Savvy Toddler Mom

Alright… who sent me the box from Philosophy?  It didn’t have a card or message on the packing slip or anything!!!  Please let me know who sent it so that I can properly thank you.

Found this over the weekend… the Barenaked Ladies (one of MY favorite bands) released a children’s album in May called “Snack Time.” Listening to snippets, it sounds awesome.  Gotta get me a copy.

I woke up today to the FedEx guy bringing me an awesome care package from my amazing friend Heather.  Heather, thank you again!!!!  What a way to start the day.  I felt/feel so overwhelmingly loved.  Oh, and your cookies are really YUMMY. 

Not feeling great today.  Not healing as fast as I’d hoped.  SavvyDad stayed home this morning and took the toot to tumbling class.  I am so grateful for him.  I would be in really bad shape without a loving, sweet, selfless, hard-working, wonderful husband.

I am also grateful for the makers of Percocet, Zoloft, Xanax, Ibuprofen, and Diet Coke.  I would be in even worse shape without them.

We lost our twins.  Don’t know what else to say. 

Had a D&C on Friday and am at home recuperating. 

Life sucks sometimes.

It’s 11:30pm and my ultrasound is tomorrow at 8:30am.  I’ve been trying to keep it together all week — trying to not let the anxiety get to me.  So, instead of focusing on the “are they alive or not?” question, I’d like to wonder about “what gender are they?”  The optimist in me thinks I might be able to find out tomorrow.  I’ll be a day short of 13 weeks — I found out with the toot and Elizabeth at 13 weeks — so it could happen!

So, since we are focusing on the positive, what is YOUR prediction for the gender (or genders) of these twins?  I certainly don’t have a preference — at this point, I will be happy with a healthy baby (or babies), no matter what flavor!

I have my suspicions that they are a boy and a girl.  At first I thought they were for sure both boys, but I’ve changed my mind… that’s my guess: a boy and a girl.

What’s your guess?

Well, he made it!  I was telling CTM this morning that I thought he would be born around 3pm… he was born at 2:54!  How crazy is that?!?!

I just got home from a visit at the hospital, and mom and baby are doing great.  CTM actually looks amazing for a woman who just gave birth.  Her new little guy (blog alias still tbd) is adorable.  6 lbs 15 oz and 19 1/2 inches long.  Lots of dark hair.  I held him for quite a while during my visit and he slept the whole time.  Cuddly little guy!

CTM’s labor and delivery went WAY better than with her first, so hurrah!  Congrats to CTM and family!

Just got off the phone with ChasingToddlerMom a bit ago… she is at the hospital, all hooked up to pitocin.  So exciting!  She’s already dilated to 4cm, so I told her I’m guessing her little guy will be here by 3pm.  We shall see.

I have got a million-bazillion things to do for work today so, I am blogging.  Yeah, total procrastination.  Yikes.

We had a pretty good weekend!  Lots of rest — got some yard work done.  The toot had his summer tumbling program for which the grandparents came out (it was pretty funny).  We went to see Indiana Jones yesterday (fun, but not amazing).  My very favorite was having the toot sleep in yesterday (until 9am!) and then having a lazy, lazy morning with SavvyDad and our littly boy.  SO nice.  Oh - Saturday was right up there, too, when SavvyDad got up with the toot and let ME sleep in, then make aebleshievers (oh, I so spelled that wrong), Danish (Swedish?) pancakes that I LOVE.  He is the BEST!  Thanks again, sweetie.

Alright, back to the salt mines for me.  I’ll keep you posted on CTM.

I’m twelve weeks today and still have all my fingers, toes… everything crossed.  I am pretty much over the morning sickness, but still get pretty tired in the afternoon.  However, I’ve been feeling so much better that I’ve been freaking myself out thinking something is “wrong.”  Ack.  I’m sure it’s only the beginning of a few weeks of much anxiety.  Oh, here we go…

Also, if you use Facebook, you’ve got to watch this:

So, I had another ultrasound yesterday — everything was great!  Those little guys were wiggling and moving… so wonderful to see!  They are measuring right on target; even a little ahead.  So, as far as we know, everything is as it should be.

Huge sigh of relief.

I get so wound up going in for an ultrasound.  I’m just terrified to find bad news waiting for me.  Poor SavvyDad doesn’t really know what to do with me.  He knows that he can’t very well talk me down when I get like that.  Oh, well.  One day at a time.

Over the weekend I did my first heparin shot on my own!  SavvyDad has been doing them for me, but I finally got up the nerve to actually poke myself and I am now empowered.  SavvyDad still assists with getting the syringe ready, etc., but I can do it to myself now.  Hurrah!  One hurdle at a time.

I wasn’t feeling great last night and took a phenegran for nausea.  It was about 11:00pm, and I am SO groggy today.  Having such a hard time waking up!  That drug is a miracle, though.  I would much rather be sleepy that nauseated.

CTM went for her check-up yesterday and her doctor scheduled her for induction on Tuesday, if she doesn’t go into labor before then!  Yay!  We’ll have that little guy here in a week, one way or the other.  I am so excited!

Today does bring with it some sadness… today my little Elizabeth would have had her first birthday.  I miss her so much.  I can just imagine what she would have looked like and how we would be celebrating today.  I can’t wait until the day when I can finally meet her, put my arms around her and hold her tight.

I am so glad that today finds me in such hopeful circumstances.  I have a wonderful, sweet little boy and two new babies on the way.  I can look to the future and be positive.

I remember going in for a two-week check-up after Elizabeth died and waiting in the examining room.  There was a mirror just across from where I was sitting.  I looked at myself in the mirror for a while as I waited for the doctor.  I noticed how old I looked… how tired and worn and beaten down with sorrow and a weary body.  I didn’t like what I saw.  In that moment, I decided that I was going to be a survivor.  I was going to pick myself up, pull myself back together, and keep going.  I have often thought of that moment.  I remember exactly what I was wearing and how my hair was that day.  I remember the conviction I felt to not be that person that I saw in my reflection.  I am happy to say that I haven’t been that person.  I am a survivor.

So even as I mourn some more today, I am grateful that I have been given the strength to overcome.  I am grateful for my sweet husband, without whom I would not be able to cope.  I am grateful for my adorable little toot and for all the things I have learned by being his mom.  He is the light of my life.  I am grateful for these two little babies growing inside me and I have all the hope in the world that they will be able to join our family healthy and whole.  One day at a time.

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.  ~Dinah Craik

Today I celebrate ChasingToddlerMom.  It’s her birthday, and what better day to celebrate all that she is, all that she has done, and her goals and dreams for the future.  She is my best friend, and more like me than I can believe, and yet different still!

Here is a woman, a strong, intelligent, determined woman — not to mention beautiful and with excellent taste in fashion — who overcomes daily the struggle of “doing it all.”  She and I want it all… we want to be wives and mothers and homemakers and have careers and hobbies and friends, fulfilling commitments to our husbands, our children, our families, our church, our society, and — of course — ourselves.  We want it all and we want to do it all well.  It is this goal, this attitude towards life, that I love about CTM.

When we go to the gym together, the time flies by as we discuss our days, our challenges, our failures, and our victories.  It is pure therapy.  We haven’t been able to work out together in a couple of weeks, as I have been battling pregnancy exhaustion (twins=tired-squared) and morning sickness… and OH, HOW I’VE MISSED IT!  Not having several hours of good conversation a week is taking its toll on my ability to cope.

Thank you, CTM, for being a true friend.  Thank you for listening to EVERYTHING and helping me get through it all — good times and bad.  Thank you for sharing the last seven (at least I think it’s been seven…) years with me.  Through this job and that job, this foot surgery and that gall bladder surgery, this pregnancy and that pregnancy, not to mention our two crazy boys (and so much more!!!)… you have made life’s challenges easier and funnier.

As you celebrate your birthday today and embark on another year of this adventure we call life, please know that I just love you and love that we are friends.  The next year will be an interesting one for both of us (aren’t they all?) and I am looking forward to sharing it with you.  I am so excited to meet your new little boy (CTM’s 37 weeks pregnant this week!) and finding out what he is all about.  I can’t wait to find out what his birth story is.  I am looking forward to hearing how Little Ro’ grows and adjusts to this addition to your family.  I am so hoping that this baby will be a much easier newborn for you.

Oh, I could go on forever. 

Happy birthday, CTM, and thank you. 

No road is long with good company.  ~Turkish Proverb

Here’s wishing all of you moms out there a happy Mother’s Day.  I hope all your children and/or husbands made you breakfast and gave you thoughtful gifts.  And, if not, at least maybe they did the dishes or let you take a nap.

It’s been a big weekend for us… we chose this weekend to announce our big news.  We are expecting.  Again. 

AND… (are you sitting down?) Not only am I pregnant, but I am pregnant with TWINS.  Yes, two babies.  Surprised?  Guess how we felt.  Wow.  Since at this point most people ask if we were on Clomid or other fertility drug or if we had in vitro, etc… the answer is no, nothing.  It’s either an absolute freak of nature or heredity.  I’m not really sure which is coming in to play more.  At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter.  I’m having twins.

Well… I HOPE I’m going to have twins, at least.  As many of you know, I have had four miscarriages — two in the second trimester.  I am now 10 weeks along, so we have another month until the really scary part (since it’s all a scary part).  I’m due December 9th, but since twins usually come a month early, we are looking at the beginning of November.

As many of you also know, the best idea the doctors have is that I’m having some sort of weird blood clotting issue that they can’t identify.  So… with all the fun of being pregnant, EXTREMELY tired (try, tired-squared), morning sickness, and not being able to breathe, I also get to have twice-daily shots of heparin that my sweet husband injects. SavvyDad has been amazing about giving me the shots since I am just not up to doing it myself yet.  It’s been almost a month now, and at least I’ve stopped hyperventilating when he gets out the syringes.

Let’s see… what else?  You can imagine why I’ve had trouble blogging lately — so much on my mind that I wasn’t ready to share yet.  It’s been such a rollercoaster.  We are hopeful (of course) that everything will go well, but are strangely detached to the point that I think other people think we are unfeeling or something.  So many people that I’ve shared our news with have screamed, shrieked, and cried (including my mother)… and yet we haven’t.  Not yet.

Anyway, that’s my big Mother’s Day news.  SO great to have it out in the open!  I have no idea what the next year holds for my family and me.  I know it’s going to be hard one way or the other.  I’m just hoping that the hard parts will be all to do with too many bottles to make, diapers to change, and not enough sleep because of it.  I will do it with a smile on my face.