Savvy Toddler Mom

It’s 11:30pm and my ultrasound is tomorrow at 8:30am.  I’ve been trying to keep it together all week — trying to not let the anxiety get to me.  So, instead of focusing on the “are they alive or not?” question, I’d like to wonder about “what gender are they?”  The optimist in me thinks I might be able to find out tomorrow.  I’ll be a day short of 13 weeks — I found out with the toot and Elizabeth at 13 weeks — so it could happen!

So, since we are focusing on the positive, what is YOUR prediction for the gender (or genders) of these twins?  I certainly don’t have a preference — at this point, I will be happy with a healthy baby (or babies), no matter what flavor!

I have my suspicions that they are a boy and a girl.  At first I thought they were for sure both boys, but I’ve changed my mind… that’s my guess: a boy and a girl.

What’s your guess?

Well, he made it!  I was telling CTM this morning that I thought he would be born around 3pm… he was born at 2:54!  How crazy is that?!?!

I just got home from a visit at the hospital, and mom and baby are doing great.  CTM actually looks amazing for a woman who just gave birth.  Her new little guy (blog alias still tbd) is adorable.  6 lbs 15 oz and 19 1/2 inches long.  Lots of dark hair.  I held him for quite a while during my visit and he slept the whole time.  Cuddly little guy!

CTM’s labor and delivery went WAY better than with her first, so hurrah!  Congrats to CTM and family!

Just got off the phone with ChasingToddlerMom a bit ago… she is at the hospital, all hooked up to pitocin.  So exciting!  She’s already dilated to 4cm, so I told her I’m guessing her little guy will be here by 3pm.  We shall see.

I have got a million-bazillion things to do for work today so, I am blogging.  Yeah, total procrastination.  Yikes.

We had a pretty good weekend!  Lots of rest — got some yard work done.  The toot had his summer tumbling program for which the grandparents came out (it was pretty funny).  We went to see Indiana Jones yesterday (fun, but not amazing).  My very favorite was having the toot sleep in yesterday (until 9am!) and then having a lazy, lazy morning with SavvyDad and our littly boy.  SO nice.  Oh - Saturday was right up there, too, when SavvyDad got up with the toot and let ME sleep in, then make aebleshievers (oh, I so spelled that wrong), Danish (Swedish?) pancakes that I LOVE.  He is the BEST!  Thanks again, sweetie.

Alright, back to the salt mines for me.  I’ll keep you posted on CTM.

I’m twelve weeks today and still have all my fingers, toes… everything crossed.  I am pretty much over the morning sickness, but still get pretty tired in the afternoon.  However, I’ve been feeling so much better that I’ve been freaking myself out thinking something is “wrong.”  Ack.  I’m sure it’s only the beginning of a few weeks of much anxiety.  Oh, here we go…

Also, if you use Facebook, you’ve got to watch this:

So, I had another ultrasound yesterday — everything was great!  Those little guys were wiggling and moving… so wonderful to see!  They are measuring right on target; even a little ahead.  So, as far as we know, everything is as it should be.

Huge sigh of relief.

I get so wound up going in for an ultrasound.  I’m just terrified to find bad news waiting for me.  Poor SavvyDad doesn’t really know what to do with me.  He knows that he can’t very well talk me down when I get like that.  Oh, well.  One day at a time.

Over the weekend I did my first heparin shot on my own!  SavvyDad has been doing them for me, but I finally got up the nerve to actually poke myself and I am now empowered.  SavvyDad still assists with getting the syringe ready, etc., but I can do it to myself now.  Hurrah!  One hurdle at a time.

I wasn’t feeling great last night and took a phenegran for nausea.  It was about 11:00pm, and I am SO groggy today.  Having such a hard time waking up!  That drug is a miracle, though.  I would much rather be sleepy that nauseated.

CTM went for her check-up yesterday and her doctor scheduled her for induction on Tuesday, if she doesn’t go into labor before then!  Yay!  We’ll have that little guy here in a week, one way or the other.  I am so excited!

Today does bring with it some sadness… today my little Elizabeth would have had her first birthday.  I miss her so much.  I can just imagine what she would have looked like and how we would be celebrating today.  I can’t wait until the day when I can finally meet her, put my arms around her and hold her tight.

I am so glad that today finds me in such hopeful circumstances.  I have a wonderful, sweet little boy and two new babies on the way.  I can look to the future and be positive.

I remember going in for a two-week check-up after Elizabeth died and waiting in the examining room.  There was a mirror just across from where I was sitting.  I looked at myself in the mirror for a while as I waited for the doctor.  I noticed how old I looked… how tired and worn and beaten down with sorrow and a weary body.  I didn’t like what I saw.  In that moment, I decided that I was going to be a survivor.  I was going to pick myself up, pull myself back together, and keep going.  I have often thought of that moment.  I remember exactly what I was wearing and how my hair was that day.  I remember the conviction I felt to not be that person that I saw in my reflection.  I am happy to say that I haven’t been that person.  I am a survivor.

So even as I mourn some more today, I am grateful that I have been given the strength to overcome.  I am grateful for my sweet husband, without whom I would not be able to cope.  I am grateful for my adorable little toot and for all the things I have learned by being his mom.  He is the light of my life.  I am grateful for these two little babies growing inside me and I have all the hope in the world that they will be able to join our family healthy and whole.  One day at a time.

Here’s wishing all of you moms out there a happy Mother’s Day.  I hope all your children and/or husbands made you breakfast and gave you thoughtful gifts.  And, if not, at least maybe they did the dishes or let you take a nap.

It’s been a big weekend for us… we chose this weekend to announce our big news.  We are expecting.  Again. 

AND… (are you sitting down?) Not only am I pregnant, but I am pregnant with TWINS.  Yes, two babies.  Surprised?  Guess how we felt.  Wow.  Since at this point most people ask if we were on Clomid or other fertility drug or if we had in vitro, etc… the answer is no, nothing.  It’s either an absolute freak of nature or heredity.  I’m not really sure which is coming in to play more.  At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter.  I’m having twins.

Well… I HOPE I’m going to have twins, at least.  As many of you know, I have had four miscarriages — two in the second trimester.  I am now 10 weeks along, so we have another month until the really scary part (since it’s all a scary part).  I’m due December 9th, but since twins usually come a month early, we are looking at the beginning of November.

As many of you also know, the best idea the doctors have is that I’m having some sort of weird blood clotting issue that they can’t identify.  So… with all the fun of being pregnant, EXTREMELY tired (try, tired-squared), morning sickness, and not being able to breathe, I also get to have twice-daily shots of heparin that my sweet husband injects. SavvyDad has been amazing about giving me the shots since I am just not up to doing it myself yet.  It’s been almost a month now, and at least I’ve stopped hyperventilating when he gets out the syringes.

Let’s see… what else?  You can imagine why I’ve had trouble blogging lately — so much on my mind that I wasn’t ready to share yet.  It’s been such a rollercoaster.  We are hopeful (of course) that everything will go well, but are strangely detached to the point that I think other people think we are unfeeling or something.  So many people that I’ve shared our news with have screamed, shrieked, and cried (including my mother)… and yet we haven’t.  Not yet.

Anyway, that’s my big Mother’s Day news.  SO great to have it out in the open!  I have no idea what the next year holds for my family and me.  I know it’s going to be hard one way or the other.  I’m just hoping that the hard parts will be all to do with too many bottles to make, diapers to change, and not enough sleep because of it.  I will do it with a smile on my face.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged!  I’ve had a rough couple of weeks… exhausting, frustrating, busy and expensive.  Among everything else, this was my car last Friday afternoon in the Westminster College parking garage.  Shot is from the rear left of my car:

Talk about “stuck in a tight spot.” 

It was not a good day.

The harder I tried to get AWAY from that concrete pole, the CLOSER I got to it, until I was right up against it.  Finally deciding that my driving abilities were beyond being able to get my car out of this precarious position without scratching it all the way down the side, I called SavvyDad.  Poor guy.  He had just gotten a wisdom tooth pulled and was half an hour away.  He had me call his uncle, who was there in under five minutes (hero of the day!!!) and was kind enough to back my car out without further damage.  It is a little scratched, but nothing a little buffing won’t take care of.  UGH.

The next day, my windshield got cracked by a flying rock.

See where the “expensive” bit is coming in?

Well, anyway… amidst the insane schedule I’ve had lately and all the ludicrous set-backs, I do have some good news!  Both my sister-in-law and SavvyDad’s cousin announced on Valentine’s Day that they are pregnant.  I’m so thrilled for both of them!  I’ll admit, though, that both announcements made me sad.  It’s hard for me to see time passing and the people around me having children and yet… I’m… not.  And it’s hard for me to explain — and be convincing — that while I’m sad for me, I’m so happy for them.

I think I’ve convinced CTM that there cannot be weirdness!  She’s six months along now (remember, we were supposed to be due the same day?) and since we see each other every other day, how awkward would it be to ignore the fact that she is having a baby? LOL  I am so grateful to her and her little boy on the way for helping me cope in a comfortable environment: with a close friend.  I’ve told her she’s not allowed to hold back — gotta tell me about the doctor’s appointments and nursery plans and baby kicks — and it’s my job to tell her when I can’t take it that day.  She is the absolute best.

Also good news… (I think…) I was called to the Relief Society presidency last week as the secretary.  I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to do it all.  Isn’t that the biggest question, though?  How do we do all the things we want to do with the time we are given?  I remember someone talking about Michelangelo and how many incredible things he did… but that he had the same amount of time given to him as the rest of us: one lifetime.

I was talking to a dear friend of mine two weeks ago and she said that she had a shift of perspective recently when she realized that life isn’t supposed to be easy.  It just isn’t.  If things were easy, how would we learn?  I get so hung up on the trials that I have… that life isn’t fair, or why me?  But really, that’s why we are here.  We need to learn to cope; to overcome and endure.

So here’s what I am doing: the absolute best coping, overcoming, and enduring that I can.

Oh! I almost forgot to mention… Amazon.com is having a Britax sale (best brand in convertible car seats) now through March 2nd.

Congrats, CTM!  I’m so excited for you!!!  I’m hoping and praying for an uneventful rest of your pregnancy, delivery, and a mellow, happy, good-eating baby boy for you.

He and James would have been hysterical together!!!  I think the two of them are probably already good friends.

Oh, and I get to hang on to the Puddle Jumpers — for now!  Thanks for sharing your lucky number 8 with me… we’ll see what 2008 brings.

This has had me chuckling for two days now… Olivia: The Essential Latin Edition.  Yes, it is what it sounds like… it’s Olivia, translated into Latin.

I’ve got to get it!  I laughed and laughed when I saw it on Amazon.com, then laughed harder when I looked at the excerpts.  I forgot how much I love Latin!  I forgot how fun it is to be academically silly.  I took three years of Latin in high school, only to have it drowned out by four years of French in college.  Maybe it’s time to get back to our collective roots.

Update on my quest to have a second child: I go to see the perinatalogist on Thursday.  (SavvyDad likes to think of him as the “paranatalogist” - baby ghost doctor?)  He’s got pathology reports and blood work results — we’ll see what he has to say about this whole thing.  I’ll keep you posted.

In the meantime, it’s back to The List (see previous post).  Today I started taking down the Christmas decorations (a task so overwhelming, it must be done in doses) and I cleaned out my closet.  I have four bags of clothing and shoes all set to go the the DI (Deseret Industries, for you non-locals… my favorite place to donate stuff) AND I banned all of the maternity-ish clothing back to storage.  It was too sad having it in my closet and looking at it every day.

ChasingToddlerMom has her ultrasound tomorrow.  Yippee!!!!  I have a pair of polka-dot Puddle Jumpers I have to hand over if she’s having a girl.  Stay tuned…

I mentioned that I’ve been having a lot of anxiety lately about my pregnancy… one of the things that has been bothering me is that I don’t feel pregnant really.  Now that I’m into the second trimester, the morning sickness is gone, my energy is coming back, and in general I feel pretty good.  To top it all off, I’ve actually lost six pounds since Thanksgiving.  What is up with that?!?!  Never in all my pregnancies (5) have I ever LOST weight.

My doctor said it’s probably due to stress. LOL

I am hoping and praying that all will go well and that I will soon be wearing maternity clothes.  Isn’t that funny?  With my two prior pregnancies that I made it this far along, I was dreading maternity clothes.  Delaying the inevitable as long as possible.  This time, I can’t wait.  Is there any way I can gain weight faster?  Get bigger sooner?

Trying not to put the cart before the horse, I can’t help but realize that I only have a few maternity items for winter weather.  When the time comes, I need to go shopping!  ChasingToddlerMom (due the exact same day as I am!) has been scoping things out and it does not look good.

Fellow Utah Moms, where do you shop?  I have some things from Old Navy, but I’m not a big fan of their style lately.  Mimi Maternity is great, Motherhood Maternity at Fashion Place and outlet in Park City is another option… but is that it?  I hate shopping online for maternity clothes, due to how important it is to me to try things on.  I hate the hassle of returning stuff.

It’s looking more and more like I might have to whip out the sewing machine… maybe ChasingToddlerMom and I could have twinner outfits.  LOL  (I’m kidding…)

For now, I’m still wearing my regular clothes and hoping they will get too tight soon.

Oooooh!  I forgot to mention that I sweetly asked my doctor and he agreed to do my ultrasound before Christmas!  I go in on the 20th, but I’m going to try and keep the baby’s gender a secret until Christmas Day.