Savvy Toddler Mom

CanyonFool’s custody hearing is today… eeek.  Everyone keep your fingers crossed for my adorable brother and his wife.

It seems like things are going their way so far… CanyonFool BARELY caught a flight out of Vermont last night to come home.  In fact, the plane was already 20 minutes late leaving and the pilot actually put the walkway back so that CanyonFool could get on (his connecting flight was late).  I didn’t realize that they did that anymore.  Bless his heart!  I wish I could give that pilot a big hug.

Talk about a random act of kindness!

Speaking of acts of kindness, I want to send a public thank you to my friend Dave.  Dave is in the UC Berkeley MBA program and recently asked me to complete a survey regarding his leadership strengths and abilities.  I was very happy to help him out — hardly anything, really — but was delighted when he sent me an iTunes gift certificate in return.  Not only does that put him in the super-thoughtful/great leader realm, I have had a happy work week listening to the new music I downloaded.  Thanks again, Dave!

Parting shot: Do something nice for someone today.  We have no idea what a difference it could make.

I wish that every person in every custody situation would be honest and forthcoming 100% of the time. Unfortunately, this is not true, and can be very much the opposite. I would like to suggest a few “tools of the trade” to help with a custody dispute case.

1. Keep a log. Write down each visit, when it occurred, what was said (if any argument occurred, etc). Maintain this and refer back to it if necessary. If you need to start a log and retroactively add visits, it’s really hard to remember what happened and when. Start now.

2. Save everything. I would suggest communication by email, especially if there are arguments or issues that come up all the time. You can use these in court, and may add strength to your case.

3. I cannot offer legal advice, but can pass on some that was given to me by my lawyer: Record your conversations. In the state of Utah, it is legal for you to record your own conversations. Let me be clear on that: You may record a conversation you are having with another person, and you do not have to inform them they are being recorded. It is not legal for you to record a conversation you are not involved in, for instance you cannot record your mother talking to your brother, but you can record yourself talking to your brother. There are many recording options available, and I purchased one at my local Radio Shack for around $100 and it works with my home phone and cell phone. This brings me back to point number 2. Save everything. Make duplicate or triplicate copies of your conversations. There are many places that will dictate your conversations for you, and it is ridiculously expensive, but if you have a conversation that you really need and you accidentally deleted it, there is no way to get it back.

4. Know your rights. Find a copy of the state guidelines for visitations for both custodial and non-custodial parents and do your absolute best to follow the guidelines on your end. Also, write down any “violations” on the other parent’s part. If you arrive on time, and they aren’t there for 30 min, write it down.

5. Do not react. As hard as it may be to be yelled at, or accused of things you didn’t do, etc., do not react. Do not give the other person ammunition for any argument or accusation they may have against you. And do not, under any circumstances push or shove or hit the other person. This can be assault, and can have legal charges attached to it. If you are afraid to go pick up your child from a visit, you can call the police and have an escort to “maintain the peace.” I had this done to me, for no reason, without any prior provocation or notice, and in hindsight it was fine because it showed that she was paranoid. I went out and chatted with the police and showed them that they had no reason to be there.  If you find yourself in a situation where you are being threatened or are unable to pick up your child because of aggressive behavior on the part of the other parent and it means you won’t get your visit that day or week, fine. Walk away. Just do not give the other person ammunition for anything.

That’s all for now.

CF

…Is not a quick process. I wish that I could say that I wanted an action completed as a single father and it would only take a matter of weeks from start to finish, and it isn’t like that in reality.

In March of 07, I filed a petition for a Parent Time Evaluation (which is an evaluation by a licensed psychologist of your home and your child’s other parent’s home, to evaluate which is a better environment for your child to be raised in) through the court system. It will be three months on June 20th, and I have not heard a thing about what the next step is.

I plan to have this blog NOT be a rant and rave about my specific situation, but more about the specifics of the legal system and the tools that are available to any parent going through a similar situation, and will focus more on that from now on.I guess the main point that I wanted to get across with this post is: Be patient. I know it is agonizing waiting for this or that, and you should certainly not go for months and months without anything happening, but as long as you know you have done all that you can and more, anticipate that it will all take some time.

If you have any comments or questions you can email me at canyonfoolUT@gmail.com

Cheers!

CF