Savvy Toddler Mom

So, I had another ultrasound yesterday — everything was great!  Those little guys were wiggling and moving… so wonderful to see!  They are measuring right on target; even a little ahead.  So, as far as we know, everything is as it should be.

Huge sigh of relief.

I get so wound up going in for an ultrasound.  I’m just terrified to find bad news waiting for me.  Poor SavvyDad doesn’t really know what to do with me.  He knows that he can’t very well talk me down when I get like that.  Oh, well.  One day at a time.

Over the weekend I did my first heparin shot on my own!  SavvyDad has been doing them for me, but I finally got up the nerve to actually poke myself and I am now empowered.  SavvyDad still assists with getting the syringe ready, etc., but I can do it to myself now.  Hurrah!  One hurdle at a time.

I wasn’t feeling great last night and took a phenegran for nausea.  It was about 11:00pm, and I am SO groggy today.  Having such a hard time waking up!  That drug is a miracle, though.  I would much rather be sleepy that nauseated.

CTM went for her check-up yesterday and her doctor scheduled her for induction on Tuesday, if she doesn’t go into labor before then!  Yay!  We’ll have that little guy here in a week, one way or the other.  I am so excited!

Today does bring with it some sadness… today my little Elizabeth would have had her first birthday.  I miss her so much.  I can just imagine what she would have looked like and how we would be celebrating today.  I can’t wait until the day when I can finally meet her, put my arms around her and hold her tight.

I am so glad that today finds me in such hopeful circumstances.  I have a wonderful, sweet little boy and two new babies on the way.  I can look to the future and be positive.

I remember going in for a two-week check-up after Elizabeth died and waiting in the examining room.  There was a mirror just across from where I was sitting.  I looked at myself in the mirror for a while as I waited for the doctor.  I noticed how old I looked… how tired and worn and beaten down with sorrow and a weary body.  I didn’t like what I saw.  In that moment, I decided that I was going to be a survivor.  I was going to pick myself up, pull myself back together, and keep going.  I have often thought of that moment.  I remember exactly what I was wearing and how my hair was that day.  I remember the conviction I felt to not be that person that I saw in my reflection.  I am happy to say that I haven’t been that person.  I am a survivor.

So even as I mourn some more today, I am grateful that I have been given the strength to overcome.  I am grateful for my sweet husband, without whom I would not be able to cope.  I am grateful for my adorable little toot and for all the things I have learned by being his mom.  He is the light of my life.  I am grateful for these two little babies growing inside me and I have all the hope in the world that they will be able to join our family healthy and whole.  One day at a time.